This week was tougher than I expected. Thank goodness for Mental Diet and PMA!! Being with emotions vs becoming my emotions. I love the flash cards. Just when I think I have blown it I get to remind myself that I am not a complete failure. And the reading this month?! Wow. To assure myself I am a miracle each day has been right on time. I have been looking for the virtues each day. Its amazing how the negative bent is so ingrained. I keep seeing the virtue I desire and immediately it occurs to me as a comparison or here’s another example of how you aren’t X. Or if I act opposite of the virtue it is just validation for more negative self talk. Again I pull out the cards to rescue me!!
Taking actions each day. Still wanting to give myself credit for the “small things” and reminding myself that I am capable of so much more. I know this is rambling today….The makeover continues.
I am blown away by who I get to be! During the webinar 50 minutes of stating my one sentence DMP has changed who I see that I am. “I am so EXCITED to be an International Marketing Director for World Ventures, earning at least $50,000 a month indulging my family and building the Kingdom!” No matter where I have been this week physically this is totally where I am in my head. This one sentence has given my energy to make the calls I need to make. It is my shield against the people who make fun of my choice. The FEELING of indulging my family far outweighs any doubt they may try to cause.
It hasn’t been an easy week. This week I was so grateful for the index cards with the positive accomplishments. I was thankful for the affirmations peppered in between. My teenage daughter had a tonsillectomy on Monday. As I sat in the waiting area I read and read the cards. The whole week as she has been recovering (NASTY and PAINFUL) I have used the cards as lifelines. Each time I felt I was failing her because I couldn’t stop the pain, I would take time to sneak away and read the cards. Each time I looked at the house in shambles and was too tired to move, I would read a few cards. I actually then had energy to wash a few dishes or fold a few clothes. I was even able to take measurable steps in moving my business ahead and ask for the support I needed without feeling guilty. I am so grateful for this experience and I know I am not doing it justice with my words right now.
Persistence is not the same as quitting! Although sometimes that is the best we can muster. Thanks Mark. I realize that my old blueprint wanted “brownie points” for just being here. Or just being “in” the business. Or just “staying” married. Ouch and Amen! Persistence is going after that DMP or goal or dream with everything and not recoiling at the “sting of the blade”.
This week I chose to take on persistence. To stop tip toeing around what I want and dive right in. As Mark and the Fabulous Davene have encouraged to start over. To love that Gal in the Mirror. To read with enthusiasm. To live today as my already manifested future self.
I am honestly still physically exhausted from being sick and traveling however there are real tractionable (sp) actions I can take to move things along. I have taken some and have gotten results.
The four small habits of persistence are the things that make a real difference. Not hard to do and not hard not to do. Must keep the law of Karma very present.
So this is probably cheating….I am combining weeks 7-10 in this one post. Got to put this behind me and start fresh. Week 7. Yes the week of the mental diet. The week of the ELECTION!! OPINIONS OPINIONS OPINIONS!! Not a lot of love going on in this head of mine that week. I literally fell off the tracks. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t believe what was happening. And I sat there. STUCK. No movement at all in the assignments that week. I read because that was easy. I totally ignored the gal in mirror. Didn’t want to be accountable to anyone. I indulged in my negative thoughts, opinions, emotional states. Boy my peptides were flowin! Almost hopped out of my seat on this roller coaster ride. But I had come so far. My family was beginning to notice the changes. Couldn’t just quit.
Week 8. I read more like Og instructed. Still no movement but I could feel the engine beginning to hum again. I was conscious of the thoughts and observing my thoughts about my thoughts. I was participating in the process again. Still not doing it all. NOT in harmony. Felt like every “practice” was a chore. Everything felt overwhelming. Not necessarily “feeling the love” I was reading about. Didn’t read my DMP out loud at all. Began to think I had to throw it all away. Focus on China. We’re going to China. Too busy for all of this.
Flight to China. I have 14 hours to read read read. Read Og, Read Haanel. Read DMP. Most engaged I have been in two weeks! While we were in Hong Kong we had what I now term an adventure. At the time it felt like a disaster. The old blue print was SCREAMING to take over. Thank goodness for MKMMA! I had affirmations to cling to. I remembered my spiritual training. Resources we needed were manifested almost instantaneously. Miracles happened before our very eyes. China trip was a huge success! Adventure included.
Week 10. Whew. Not caught up but back on track. Moving. Began reading new scroll today. Also read Mark’s blog about week 10. WOW. WOW. WOW! I thought I was the only one!!! I want results to validate my actions NOW. But the actions have to be taken because they are the things to to in order to BE the person I desire to BE and damn the immediate results. His encouragement to BE the future me NOW really hit home. I came back from China on Monday night. My body aching with a cold. Tuesday was the first day back to work. After work there was a business meeting. I was sick as a dog. Everyone would understand if I stayed home. No one would blame me. But I knew the gal in the glass would have a side eye for me. I went to the meeting. Took my new girl with me. I was going to have a cold either way. Might as well take a step the IMD would take. No magic. Just BE who I said I AM NOW. In every moment of NOW. Choosing to BE the affirmation. I am whole, perfect, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy. This also allows others around me to be whole, perfect, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy. Week 10 ROCK ON!
This week all of a sudden there was a lightness I hadn’t felt in months! I found myself easily giving in the areas where I felt led and where I have responsibilities. The readings were fruitful and didn’t feel like an interruption to what “I” wanted to do. Gifts also were freely given to me. When I felt the need to ask I asked for what I needed. No shame. No guilt. And when someone offered to provide I was able to shut the old blue print down and accept with grace. And unexpected gifts like 60 degrees in MN in November were true reasons to celebrate for this “heat seeker”.
My DMP was approved. When I read it I truly feel ALIVE! I am still working on my Sit. So hard to be still. So many things call my mind. Yet I am aware of this “wandering pup” now. I am focusing on who I get to be. I am focusing on my new best friend, my future ME. No longer giving her unkind things to do. Why would I do that to my friend. I pick up my shoes NOW. I say hello to a prospect NOW. I am conscious of when I really want to put things off. I want to make the gal in the mirror proud each day.
I don’t always succeed. Some days I have to look her in the eye and say “We’ll get it next time.” But she is gracious and knows I am now doing my BEST.
Looking forward to next week.
I always keep my promises,
Its week 4. My dressing table is organized. The guest room aka hide the junk room is clean. The energy in my home is peaceful. I have a DMP that actually enlivens me. I have received two invitations to speak in the last week. I have made a choice in my business that I have been postponing for months. While I know it will not be popular with some I am happy. Starting over. The story I create from here on out is mine. I dare say miracles are appearing. And as the gentle observer I also hear my “it” scoff and minimize the accomplishments as ordinary or coincidental. I choose to rejoice in these miracles and be grateful to God for placing MKMMA in my life.
As I continue to read Scroll One in GS and actively read around the word “will” I notice I do this now in almost all of my readings. I also notice that I am listening to myself talk more acutely and choosing if and when I use the word “will” on purpose. Is it an action I really can afford to postpone? Is it something I desire in my life now?
This week was a fun week on the roller coaster. My hands flying in the air.
Wow. This week as I have been getting clear on my PPN and DMP…(another new vocabulary of acronyms) I am really “on it” with myself. Observing the voices in my head. All of the “No ways!” “You’ve never kept your word for long” “Let’s see how long this lasts” All of the “You can’t make me” mornings. Doing right versus doing it right now. Observing when I want to “cheat”. I read but not with enthusiasm. And then the fear and guilt that rushes in because I have sabotaged the whole thing! It will never work for me! Of course so and so can do this they don’t have…So much GARBAGE!
They say this is my life. My story. My autobiography. I get scared that no one would ever want to read it. Have I failed so much in the past that I don’t even believe I can write a master piece anymore? Can I really have the things in my DMP? How does one re accumulate or create the kind of influence and credibility I need to live out my purpose?
The chore cards and DMP cards are keeping me in action. I am working on the “full faith” parts of the Blue Print Builder. I guess for now I find myself in the Doubting Thomas camp. I believe whole heartedly in the process. I just doubt whether it will work for me. I find I just want magic sometimes. I want to push the “EASY” button. However I am committed to the work of mental labor that this process and journey requires. So its been a bumpy part of the roller coaster this week. Still in my seat.
This week I have become acutely aware of the cement. The labels, the limitations, the LIES!! The cement that was put on me to protect me. The cement that was placed on me to prevent my heartbreak and disappointment. The cement that I dipped myself in in hopes of having the “perfect life”. The cement that was dumped on me to ensure I stayed in my place. What is more terrorizing is the cement that I realize I have been flinging on my children, my friends, my congregants, on strangers as I pass judgement and make faces at wardrobe choices, body art or whatever. The cement is insidious. It feels so “comfortable” until you actually find something you really want. Something that consumes your heart and mind. A loving open relationship? Freedom to earn the money to have the lifestyle you really desire? Barrier free communication with your children? Then the cement becomes HEAVY. It restricts the ability to breathe. Right now I bear the weight of the cement. Small cracks are appearing….Am I brave enough to live uncovered? Am I courageous enough to assist freeing someone else? Am I strong enough to refrain from throwing cement on others?
The challenge so far is to observe all of the areas I am finding that I am resisting this work. I came to the MKMMA excited and knew it would definitely be a “growth opportunity”. I am not new to personal development and yet this week has been tough. I have been distracted by life and I want to make that wrong. I have felt foolish reading aloud “with enthusiasm” and I want to make that wrong. I have forgotten to read when I am supposed to read and I want to make that wrong. The class has just started and I already feel like I am failing. I also keep hearing Davene say “Observe don’t judge”.
During the first webinar I was struck by the quote, which I will paraphrase here ” The resistance to self suggestion is the greatest barrier to accumulating wealth. Therefore it is no surprise that the majority of people wallow in poverty.” This hit me like a ton of bricks. I am a Christian and believe in the power of confessions. The power of homologiai or speaking in agreement with God’s word. Yet as a rule, I have not practiced what I have been taught. I have resisted it as if it weren’t true. Which then, I realize that there must be a part of my blueprint that doesn’t really believe God’s word. Wow! Where and when did I lose faith?
The next 25 weeks I can already tell will be a roller coaster. The safest place on the ride is buckled in the car. I plan to stay in!
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